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From despair to determination


So this is how my Monday started. I didn’t even bother cropping the picture, seems fitting that it’s all wonky.

Not good, I should have thought, because as you may know technology is not my friend. 

But yesterday I just laughed. I was coming off an incredible and awful and somewhat bizarre weekend, so it was actually perfect. Let me tell you what happened. 

Thursday was a great day. I planned for three full days ahead to write and focus on all things related to my NEW BOOK, coming soon!! Peering Into the Tunnel (on Amazon now) is being revised and expanded, and God has really breathed every word. I spent Thursday printing and reading and organizing, and by that night I was all packed up and ready to go see my friend and writing buddy Ruth. I was really excited – forward movement after such a long time of waiting is like breathing new air. 


I woke up early, raring’ to go. Felt great on all levels by the time I headed out the door. Ruth and I had a good visit, and we soon put our heads down to write. The words just flew out of me. 

And then we stopped for lunch and before it was over I suddenly got so sick I had to come home. I got sicker Saturday – barely remember it – and finally emerged Sunday afternoon. 

Talk about frustrated. And disappointed. Add a big dose of discouraged. The whole weekend, gone. 

But then. As the afternoon went on I became exquisitely aware that I was under direct attack by the enemy himself, Satan. Discouragement, disappointment, frustration? Thoughts of, who do you think you are? And, you know you can’t really do this – all of it swirling in my head until God.

He reminded me, from as close to me as my own breath, with His hand resting gently on my head, that those kinds of thoughts never come from Him. He lifted my chin and reminded me who I am – His. He reminded me that this PROJECT is His, not mine, and He will see it through to completion.  

Maybe most importantly, He reminded me of this:

I do not have to believe everything I think. 

Stop there for a minute. Does that hit you like it did me? What a powerful, freeing statement, if believed. Those not-God thoughts should never be listened to, let alone believed. Wow. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in quiet contemplation because I really wanted to get this. To apply it. All the time. 

The sudden awareness that there is a constant battle going on around us – one we cannot see but is nevertheless real – seemed as real to me as the chair I was sitting in. (Still does.) Satan is a liar and a thief, and he will use any means possible to knock you down, beat you up, and utterly defeat you if he can. 

For me, my thought life is where the liar can gain a foothold. Maybe it’s somewhere else for you, but the principle holds. His goal is to defeat you, and he knows your weak spots. He shoots fiery darts at the already-wounded places in you. 

So what is my defense? If I don’t have one, I may as well lay my pen down and go watch tv. But I do. 

There’s literally only one defense against these attacks, in these battles, and Paul told us about it in Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT): 

A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. 

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 

So yesterday I laughed in the face of my “restarting” computer, adjusted my armor so I could sit comfortably at my desk, and picked up where I left off on Friday at noon. 

I have determination where there was despair, peace where there was anxiety, and a gorgeous picture of God’s love for me that dispels all the rest. 

Questions? Confusion? Discouragement? Join the crowd. Message me, comment, or talk to a loved one who knows Jesus. This stuff is life-changing-ly important.

Oh and guess what … where I am now headed with the organization of the book is really really different from where it was going Friday morning. Now I am content to sit safely, and let the Priestly Pen take it from here.

See what I mean by a wacko weekend? Except it was super important, and while the sick was not fun – regardless of what Satan might have intended for harm, God used it for good. In so many ways.



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