Shame is my enemy. It tells me I’m no good, that I’m a bad person. Guilt is also a foe – it tells me I did something so bad that I can’t be forgiven.
So many things can lead us into shame. Maybe it’s something we did or should have done. Or didn’t do – this was a big one for me. Or perhaps the shame comes from a secret so dark and buried so deeply, and it’s one that we’ve borne alone. For a really long time.
Shame destroys. It festers. It makes us question who we are, and makes us ask, over and over, what’s wrong with me?!
I can’t even make sense of it myself, because I really know the truth about shame. Shame is a liar and it keeps me in the dark.
What about guilt? Again, guilt addresses something bad. This time though it’s that I DID something bad (different from I AM bad).
But we all do bad stuff, yes? Here’s my point: guilt says my sin is unforgivable, by God and by people. This is tricky. We need to take responsibility for our mess-ups and handle them accordingly. If confession is needed, do it. If an apology is warranted, give it. Then, even though we don’t deserve it, God forgives us for the offense … it’s over. That’s just how it works with God.
1 John 1:9 says: “But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
If I continue to actively feel guilty or shameful after I’ve received forgiveness from God and done my part with people, something is wrong. (Even if they don’t respond well. That’s a post for another day.)
I know that I know that I know that shame and this kind of guilt never come from God. And if it’s not from God, then it shouldn’t take up space in my soul. Whether it’s my flesh or the world or Satan giving me those messages, do I want to rent any of them a room in my house? No. I do not.
Remember when I talked about the God-sized hole inside of me? That’s filled with the Holy Spirit now, and I can’t let my hard feelings about myself crowd into that space. There is literally no room – and it all started with forgiveness. He forgave me for wretched things then; He forgives me still, every day.
This great gift, that I could never earn and don’t deserve. When I continue in shame, it’s as if I’m telling God, “Oh thanks for the forgiveness, I think I’ll just keep feeling rotten over here.“
Ouch. This is hitting painful places in me! But let me go on, because there IS a proper feeling for what starts as shame and guilt, and that is regret.
Regret says, “If I could do that over I’d do it differently.” Can you see the difference? I’m not letting myself off the hook, but I’m moving forward in forgiveness.
We must learn to recognize those shame and guilt messages so that we can replace them with the Truth of who God is, and who WE are because of Jesus.
So guess what? It’s MOVING DAY! Let’s leave shame and guilt behind and move forward in the freedom of forgiveness!
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