I have been trying to write this post for TWO MONTHS. It’s so ridiculous, and yet … I haven’t had a bit of “inspiration” in all that time. I’ve been waiting. And waiting. And waiting. So today I just decided to let you in on all that happened over the summer – joy and sadness intermingled.
My “littles” (grandkids) have gone and grown up on me. One is a sophomore in college and one is in the Army, one a sophomore in high school, and the last one is … only NINE.
They used to live a block away and spent most of their lives running in and out my back door. Looking back, I realized at the end of the summer that those were the best years of MY life – so much joy to remember! Also so much funny – the pictures and videos are priceless. But this summer there was sadness for me also as they’ve grown and changed – Lexi and Mason are actually both adulting now, which is wild! They’ve both moved away from me, just as they should.
This season is essentially over, and I had to grieve that, as odd as it may sound.
However! There is much joy in this anticipation of the years yet to come with Lincoln. We got to spend quite a bit of time together this summer, and I was surprised to find that we have so many similarities. We’re both overwhelmed by sensory overload of any kind, and especially hard are crowds for me, and the bus for him. Chaos is just hard for us. We like to sleep with a light on. And we are both learning more about Jesus. There’s been a bonding over the sameness we share, and I’m delighted in this connection. He’s so funny and sweet when he’s here, and he’s snarky and he doesn’t listen and never brushes his teeth – you know, normal.
See what I mean? Sadness and joy intermingled. I’m so very proud of those kiddos (and they’ll always be kiddos to me) and their futures are bright – AND I miss them.
Why did it take me two months to write this? I’m not sure. But I just couldn’t string two words together because my heart and mind have been too busy processing.
Where have I landed? Of course in a place of happiness and excitement for them! I’m also sure that even though time and space may separate us, our connections run deep and neither of those things will upstage them. Deep down I knew this was true, but I lost sight of it in my sadness.
Does this ever happen to anyone else? As I typed this just now I realized that I was describing the relationship we have with Jesus if only we can keep our eyes on Him. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can separate us from His love for us. Deep down I know this is true and I’ve known it for a very long time. Sometimes sadness, or pain, or any other hard piece of my life can serve to create a sort of veil between me and God.
That’s the lesson, right there. No matter how I feel God is closer to me than my own breath – I can’t even do that basic, simple thing without His purposes being accomplished. Even as this season ends with my big kiddos, I know that I’m already in a new one. Sunflowers still grow at night.
I’m excited to see what comes next. And I will never regret these last 19 years … the best of my life!