(As promised, here are a couple of catch up posts combined. More to come!)
DAY EIGHT.
When I left home at 17 I didn’t really turn my back on God – I just wandered away. I’d always believed God was real, but He seemed distant and unconcerned about me.
Let me tell you a story.
On April 21, 2000, these things were true. Age: 36. Married to Greg: 12 years. Kids: Two teenagers. Current job: Consulting. Previous job: Counter girl and bookkeeper for our auto repair business alongside Greg. Previous, previous job: CPA.
We lived our lives for ourselves, period, and we made decisions I regret to this day.
In late 1997, after graduating as a non-traditional student, I was working at an accounting firm, moving up in the world, doing interesting things. Greg was general manager over several auto repair facilities across the state. We bought and sold houses every couple of years, and each one was grander than the last. There was a new car every year. We wanted for nothing – nothing material that is.
Somehow, though, we were always broke. We were in debt. And we were not satisfied.
Then Greg’s career hit the ceiling – promises weren’t kept and it was clear there was no future for him there. So he decided to purchase an auto repair store. We were sure this would get us back on the fast track – one store now with more to come!
Before noon on opening day Greg called me at the firm, and with panic in his voice he said, “I need you.” I went to the managing partner and took a leave of absence. (Said partner told me I’d be sorry, that I’d never make as much money as I could there. Turns out he was right about the money, but I’ve never been sorry and I never went back.)
We worked HARD together for two years, and we loved that part. But by the end of those two years, I was exhausted and discouraged. We couldn’t keep help, the customers were often rude and deceitful, and we weren’t making enough money to live on despite working a ton of hours. Still, I didn’t say a word because the last thing I wanted to be was a dream killer.
One morning in December of 1999 as we headed in to work, Focus on the Family was on our radio. To this day I have no idea why it was on – instead of Van Halen for example – or what the episode was even about, but we listened, and at the end of it Greg turned off the radio and just … looked at me. Then he said, “If I thought we could get our money back I’d sell the shop in a heartbeat.”
And I burst into tears. I was beyond miserable at the shop, but there was no way I was going to be the one to call the whole thing off. It had to come from him, and with those words he released me.
For the rest of the drive, we talked through options and scenarios and finally concluded that we were absolutely stuck. There was no solution. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide … we were trapped. I felt like I’d been transported to a breathtaking mountaintop – and then tossed over the cliff, all in the space of about 20 minutes.
I dried my tears as we pulled into the parking lot. I noticed something taped to the shop door, and when I got closer I saw this note …
——-
DAY NINE: THE REST OF THE STORY
Curious, we walked to the front door to find this note:
IF YOU EVER WANT TO SELL THIS BUSINESS, CONTACT ME. I HAVE A BUYER.
I am not kidding you. We were shocked, stunned and thrilled – what a coincidence after the convo we just had, right?!
The note was from a business broker, and he wasn’t kidding either. To this day I don’t know how it happened, but within four weeks the shop was sold, we made a bit of money even, and we went home to figure out our next moves. We were so tired – physically yes, but even more so emotionally.
Our identities were wrapped around our careers. And now here we were, unemployed. The question loomed large – who am I now?
Around this time my brother gave me the first book in the Left Behind series. Also odd – I can’t remember him ever giving me a book, before or since. As I read I began to wonder. Would I be left behind if Jesus came back today? It made me feel uncomfortable and a little scared.
Meanwhile, we were floundering. One night I got a call from the music director at my parents’ church (because we certainly didn’t have one. We attended occasionally – just often enough to ease guilty feelings). I heard her telling me that I’d signed up to sing in an Easter Cantata and practices started soon.
I definitely did NOT. (Mom swears she didn’t either.)
After I got over my surprise I readily agreed, thinking, “I love to sing, I have the time, I’ll go help them out.” I can only laugh, looking back – I had no idea what was coming …
A cantata is the story of Jesus, from His birth through His resurrection. The music was beautiful, the story was familiar, and I enjoyed learning it very much.
On the Thursday before Easter, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom, in the dark, singing my heart out. And suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks:
THIS IS ALL TRUE.
I knew ABOUT God, but until then I didn’t start to KNOW GOD. Something happened right then – the sound of my voice fading as I heard God whisper to me, “you’re mine.” He claimed me for his own in that dark bedroom, kneeling on the floor.
Honestly I was mostly confused – what just happened?? “For some reason” we decided to go to the Good Friday service. And all I could do was cry.
It was my birthday, and on that day (26 years ago now) I was forever changed. I freely surrendered myself to Jesus and the rest of my life began.
I love that both my birthdays are on the same day.
Easter Sunday came and I couldn’t sing a word for my tears but my heart soared through the whole cantata – it was ALL TRUE!
But now what? I was starving for the Word, but I was scared to tell my rebellious, pastor’s kid husband what had happened to me. (That’s his story – ask him! He loves to tell it!) So I just hid my Bible in my lap and kept quiet until one day, everything changed for him too.
We were standing in the driveway chatting while he washed his trailer, and suddenly he said to me, “I feel like I’ve lost my girlfriend.” I couldn’t answer him. Because the truth was that he HAD lost me in a way – Jesus was now my first love.
I just stood there and cried, and Greg will tell you that this was his “moment.” He had seen a difference in me – I was changed. I quit fighting him for control – mostly because I was confused and a little scared – and God used that to get Greg’s attention.
We’ve been doing life with Jesus ever since. We can look back and see how we had to be knocked off the pedestals we had made for ourselves, and how masterfully God did that. He knew exactly what it was going to take for both of us! And He continues to teach us, continues to move us along the path he marked out for us from the beginning of time.
And that place in me that was never satisfied? Turns out it was a God-sized hole.
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