DAY 15: THAT BITTER TASTE

I thought I was done with it. Over it. Well and truly moved on from a very painful end to a beautiful chapter of my life. It’s been YEARS, after all.

I’d stopped ruminating, quit dwelling in my pain. Came to peace with it all, you might say.

Until someone mentioned it. Or something reminded me of it. Then I was off and running again in self-righteous anger that had festered into bitterness. I got good at tamping it all down, and could congratulate myself for moving on from the feelings so quickly.

But I’d never examined those events closely enough to see that I really wasn’t getting anywhere, I wasn’t “over” any of it, if it kept resurfacing.

Then one day I came face to face with the “pain causer” – like I turned around and their face was about 12 inches from mine. And not only did I feel the feelings again, but I found bitterness that felt like rage.

This all happened in my heart and mind in about five seconds, because I had a decision to make. How would I respond?

Reluctantly I put out my hand and said, “Hi there.” And this person clasped it, looked right in my eyes and said, “That was a hard deal.”

I saw pain, I saw remorse, and I saw a tiny bit of hope. In that instant I literally shed the whole experience and the years of hard feelings.

Was there an apology? Not exactly. But it was enough, more than enough for me to drop the load of bitterness I didn’t realize I was carrying til right then.

I am so very grateful. I don’t think I saw bitterness as a burden before, but once it fell off me I could see just how heavy it was. I have more examining to do in other “tamped down” places for sure, but I think I’m ready.

Truly, only God can engineer a situation like this one! But the forgiveness I didn’t know I even needed to offer was immediate and complete. All my effort had not worked, and He knew exactly what I needed.

One face, 12 inches from mine.